10 July, 2016

Height Limits, 5 Black Dudes, and Girl Peace Officers

Exculpatory Evidence

Start around 19 minutes… or from the beginning.

06 July, 2016

Having heart

… while making a living.

05 July, 2016

Hobbled together (career) stripper

10 May, 2016

Thick is Good™

Don't touch me.

03 May, 2016

Milo's Daddy

Make 'Murica Great Again

02 May, 2016

Gentlemen. Neighborhoods. Plots. Agreement.

This is my current Austin neighborhood:
Look at those crazy property lines! I am high-lit, green.
officially: "
As you can see, the modern "largest parcel" contiguous to mine (due South) entirely bisects the same-named road, giving it sequential legal addresses (with two dead-end driveways from the "same" street, but not really). How such property boundaries form, I learned over coffee with my home's late 70's builder.

All these triangles eventually make sense… eventually.
It all started with an incorrectly sub-divided plat, and the handshake of two long-time Austin homebuilders (after discovering so) to eventually resolve it. Several decades passed before all boundaries were corrected.

To the best of undocumented knowledge, this is what everybody had hoped & paid for, way-back-when, with room for a nice little street down the middle.
But this is what was actually platted, legally (without compensation).
officially: "Lot Z SUBDIV XY SEC 1."
A few years later, the owner of undeveloped land RED discovered the error and simply spoke to GREEN's about "eventually signing it over when I go to sell the land."

In the early 80's, a Prominent Business Woman decided that she wanted to create a larger lot out of the then-officially-smaller RED & PURPLE lots (as was shown on the legal city plats), with the unpaved road becoming hers, too.
Imagine PBW's surprise when the RED landowner informed her that her new lot was going to become a full TWO ACRES, in the downtown area of a 1,000,000+ county, after the original decades-old mistake was codified from oral agreement.

Both men met and re-shook hands, handing over what now forms the modern-day boundaries to her. Another few decades later, having done nothing with the land, PURPLE is sold off to create a single family dwelling, nestled on a glorious 2.0 acre tract of tree-lined backdrop.

01 May, 2016

Dork Lessons - "fat with complacency"

When I was a little boy this little girl spat upon me, I'm not exactly sure why (then or now).

SO I spat right back on her stupid little fucking face.

The tears dripped from her preciousness before my precision had the chance to uncoagulate, somewhat to my (and her) disappointment.

She skulked offwards toward Teacher.


Some twenty years after this event occurred, and without any contact since, I heard that Teacher died of Thrombic Bitch Fuckingwhore-itis, to which I legitimately celebrated. The world is a better place without people like her.

——/ rant \——

Anywho, Teacher came over and was clearly not amused with my funnyshot. She didn't care that the "precious little snowflake" was in fact the first to initiate ("mere retaliation!" I prepubescently squealed), that said-bitch-girl was a troublemaker, a REDHEAD no less! " but but but but but "

Didn't matter. I was punished. The girl didn't serve a single minute "time out." I remember her to this day. Her older brother offered me a job once and I turned it down simply because she was on the staff at the time. She can be princess, I'll go somewhere else.